


the backs of my eyes hum with things i've never done

by philindas



Series: we're in love, aren't we [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Framework AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 14:39:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: Melinda May met Phil Coulson at a bar, when she was 35, tired from a string of unsatisfying hookups, and ready for something different.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the Philinda Framework Challenge- I posted a smut fic in this verse a few weeks ago, and this is the backstory for the verse. I'm well aware it's now a total au, but I was too attached to change anything. I left it on a bit of a cliffhanger, mostly because I didn't want this fic to devolve into total angst, but I have what would be a continuation planned out, if anyone would want to read it- I'd love to hear if you'd like more! Fic title is from Welcome Home by Radical Face, verse title is from Hearts Don't Break Around Here by Ed Sheeran.

Melinda May met Phil Coulson at a bar, when she was 35, tired from a string of unsatisfying hookups, and ready for something different.

He’d been turning from the bar, beer in hand, and promptly spilled it all over her boots- his fervent apologies were lost on her as she took in eyes as blue as the sea, a pair of thick-framed glasses nearly slipping off his nose, and a crooked half-smile that sent warmth racing through her chest. He was wearing- absurdly- a sweater vest with a checkered shirt beneath, and she can’t help the twitch of her lips in amusement.

“Let me buy you another beer,” she interrupts his apology, inexplicably drawn to this somewhat-bumbling man, and he stops mid-sentence, mouth hanging open momentarily before he nods, swallowing. She orders him another Sam Adams and he follows her to an empty booth in the back where it’s marginally quieter, and he settles in across from her.

“I’m Phil, by the way. Phil Coulson,” he tells her, extending a hand- when she takes it, his palms are slightly sweaty, but warm and strong against her own, and gives a small smile as she shakes his head.

“Melinda May,” she answers, taking a sip of her whiskey, and leans back a little. “Do you always wear sweater vests to bars?”

“I was supposed to be on a date, but I got ditched,” he tells her, shrugging. “Said she had some high-profile meeting at her agency, couldn’t miss it. Third time this week.”

“She’s not worth it,” Melinda shrugs, skirting her fingers over the back of his hand before retreating. “Besides, I’m much better company. Promise.”

Phil laughs at that, a low, wonderful sound that strums something deep inside her.

“Alright then, Melinda May. Up for twenty questions?”

_

Their first official date is at a fancy restaurant- Melinda wears her only black dress and Phil has ditched the sweater vest for a nice leather jacket and khaki slacks, his glasses still nearly falling off his nose.

She’s never been much of a talker, but she finds herself telling Phil things she’s never opened up about with any man before- how she used to ice skate, how her relationship with her mother could be better, how she worries about her father’s health. For his part, he shares a lot as well- how he’s an only child, lost his dad young, lost his mom when he was in college.

“Ever been married?” he asks, and she shakes her head, shrugging.

“Nearly. We didn’t fit, which we thankfully found out before we were actually married,” she replies, and he leans forward, hesitating only a moment before he covers her hand with his, squeezing softly. “I was young.”

Phil’s lips quirk into a smile, and she laces their fingers together, astounded at how perfectly they fit together.

“Wanna ditch this place? There’s a great fajita truck that always sits on the corner of 10th and Howard,” he leans forward, voice low, and Melinda finds a laugh bubbling in her chest as she nods.

He tastes like seasoned steak and peppers and Mexican beer when he kisses her goodnight, and her head is spinning as he walks back to his car, leaving her at her apartment doorstep. She flexes her fingers, finding them almost aching from the loss of his holding them. She hides her smile as she walks into her building, digging out her keys.

Her phone rings as she’s unlocking her door, and she picks it up when she notices Phil’s number.

“Phil? Is everything okay?” she asks, concerned.

“Is it too soon to ask for a second date?” he asks, voice crackling over the line, and she can’t help the laugh, shaking her head fondly.

_

She tells him she’s a spy on their fifth date, when he takes her ice skating on a pond near his house. He’s terrible- clutching her hand and wobbling, but she’s grinning the entire time, amused.

She’s been telling him she works for the government, in foreign affairs, but this thing with Phil is starting to feel like something _real_ , and she doesn’t want to lie to him. She’s never felt like this with anyone- never felt like she’d found a missing puzzle piece she hadn’t even realized was gone.

Phil’s on his ass for the third time, laughing so hard he’s nearly snorting, and she stops, looking at him.

“I’m a spy,” she tells him, and he stops laughing, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry. What?” he asks, and Melinda falls gracefully beside him, thighs touching.

“I work for SHIELD,” she tells him softly, gloved hand finding his and lacing their fingers together, finding the motion lent her strength. “I’m what they call a specialist.”

“You don’t work for the government?” he asks, and she laughs quietly.

“Technically I do, but my job is less talking peacefully and more making sure no one gets hurt,” she answers, and he nods thoughtfully.

“I’m dating a spy,” he says the words out loud almost like he means to think them, before he shrugs. “That’s hot.”

Melinda snorts, leaning over to kiss him, raising one glove-covered hand to cup his cheek, stroking her thumb over his skin when she pulled back.

“I love you,” she says the words impulsively, but it’s worth the momentary panic it’s too soon to see the smile stretch his face, blue eyes warm.

“I love you too,” he replies, pulling a grin from her before he leans in, kissing her once more despite the ice beneath them and the February snow beginning to fall.

_

It’s a blustery November Saturday when Phil proposes to Melinda, in the middle of the park as they walk hand in hand by the river. She’s known it was coming- she practically lived at his house, barely spending a night in her apartment save for when she returned from missions late and didn’t want to worry him about her spy activities.

He’s nervous, down there on one knee, a small black velvet box clutched in his hands.

“It feels like my life didn’t make sense until I met you,” he starts, and his smile is brilliant as he beams up at her. “You mean everything to me, Melinda May. Will you please do me the honor of letting me be your husband?”

“Yes,” leaves her mouth instantly, a breathless confirmation of a desire she hadn’t even realized she had until he uttered the words. It feels so right, the appellation of husband and wife, and as Phil slides the beautiful emerald cut diamond that seems too big for his teacher’s salary onto her finger, the weight feels like it belongs there.

He rises from his knees, scooping her up and kissing her thoroughly- her hands rise to cup his face as his holds her waist tightly, licking at her lower lip. She sighs, granting him entrance- he tastes like the mint he chomped on in the car, and she smiles against his mouth.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, nose brushing his as they part, and his returning smile is warm and bright and feels like home.

_

It’s a big white wedding- too fancy an affair for either of them, really, but since they were only doing this once, they figured they may as well go all-in.

Her dress is white and simple with a lace overlay, cinched at the waist and flowing around her ankles, sleeveless with a heart-shaped bodice. A sapphire necklace from her father settles around her neck, the diamond earrings that were a Christmas gift from Phil adorn her ears, and a garter borrowed from one of Phil’s coworkers and friends is wrapped around her thigh- she takes a breath, taking her flowers from her maid of honor, and steps up to where her father is waiting, wrapping her arm through his.

“You look beautiful, Mellie,” he murmurs, low in her ear, and she smiles, kissing his cheek. The music swells, and they step further into the church, and she catches sight of Phil for the first time. They’d observed the age old tradition of not seeing each other for the entire day, and her breath catches at the sharp black tuxedo he’s wearing.

Phil is grinning at her as she walks down the aisle, those blue eyes she’d known instantly shimmering with tears of pure and undeniable happiness, and she can’t help the laugh that comes to her lips as she grins back, unable to look away. Melinda and William reach the end of the aisle and William passes her hand to Phil, squeezing their joined hands and smiling.

“I know you’ll take care of her,” he tells them softly, and Phil smiles, eyes only for Melinda.

“She’s the one who takes care of me,” Phil replies, and she squeezes his fingers tightly. William goes to his seat as Melinda hands her flowers off, settling her now-free hand into Phil’s other one as they faced each other.

“I love you,” she whispers the words, more a parting of lips than anything else, but Phil notices, beaming as he mouths the words back before they turn to the minister in unison.

_

The stick shows two blue lines a year and a half after they return from their honeymoon in Tahiti.

They have a house of their own now- it’s a little closer to Phil’s school, with a big backyard that has space for a pool in the future, in a neighborhood full of young families. Phil trades his two door car for an SUV, and Melinda finds herself taking fewer and fewer long term missions from SHIELD that keep her from home.

She stares at the test, sitting in the bathroom sink, shock and joy and disbelief coursing through her veins. They’d only started trying a month or so ago- they felt they were in a stable place to start a family, and her physical had come back clear. She supposes she shouldn’t be so shocked- they could barely keep their hands off each other, newly-wedded bliss still in their blood.

She jumps at the hand on her shoulder, which speaks to how out of it she is, and Phil kisses her neck before he freezes, eyes on the sink.

“Hi honey. We’re pregnant,” she whispers against his skin, feeling tears prick her eyes.

Phil’s hand is warm as it comes to settle over her lower abdomen, and she covers it, feeling his rough, familiar knuckles under her touch.

“But we just started,” there’s wonder in his tone, palm touching her unchanged stomach, and she turns her nose into his cheek.

“Somehow I knew it wouldn’t take long,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to his jaw and nuzzling into his skin.

“I hope it’s a girl,” he says after a moment, and Melinda can’t help the smile.

“I think it’s a little too soon to tell, Phil,” she replies, and he shrugs.

“Just have a feeling.”

_

“Told you so,” Phil’s whisper is soft but smug, and Melinda merely shakes her head fondly, unable to take her eyes off the tiny, squirming pink bundle in her arms. Julia Lian Coulson is forty three minutes old and already has both her parents wrapped around her tiny little fingers.

“I’ve never seen anything so perfect,” she whispers, letting Julia grasp her pointer finger, so in love with this tiny person she made she can hardly stand it.

“She’s the most beautiful baby in the entire world,” he murmurs back, stroking over their daughter’s knees, causing the little girl to squirm, blinking open big blue eyes. “Hey Jules. We didn’t mean to wake you up. It’s just Mom and Dad.”

Julia stretches, yawning widely.

“Jules?” Melinda asks, finally looking up at him, and Phil shrugs, fingers impossibly soft as he strokes his daughter’s tiny cheek.

“It fits her,” he replies, and Melinda smiles before she turns, offering him the baby to hold- Phil pales, but takes the infant, cradling her in his arms as she burrowed into his chest, snuffling wetly.

“You look good like that,” she tells him softly, sitting back and watching him, a smile playing on her lips.

“Like what?” he asks, looking up from Julia to find her smiling.

“Holding our baby,” she tells him, and Phil’s lips curl into a smile of his own as he leans down, kissing her softly as he holds Julia carefully in his arms.

_

“Mamamamamama,” Julia babbles from her high chair, drumming her feet on the plastic as she sucks on the spoon in her hand, an upturned bowl of applesauce before her. Phil’s at the kitchen table grading a stack of papers, and Melinda feels relief fill her chest at the sight of her family. Phil looks up at the sound of her bag dropping on the floor, and he smiles at her.

“You’re back,” he says, and she nods, stopping to kiss the top of Jules’s head, breathing in her little girl scent of strawberry shampoo and baby powder before she continues on, settling in Phil’s lap and kissing him soundly. “Everything okay?”

She shrugs, eyes closed as she presses her forehead to his collarbone, feeling his hands rub up and down her spine, soothing her.

“Difficult mission,” she whispers, and he nods against her, holding her tighter. “I’ll be home for a while.”

“Okay,” Phil replies softly, kissing her temple. “Why don’t I clean Jules up and we can all go down for a nap?”

“I’d like that,” she whispers, feeling something in her chest cave, the burning behind her eyes signaling tears. “I’ll go shower, join you guys in bed after I clean this mission off me.”

Phil just nods, and when she goes to get off his lap, he catches her chin in his hand, kissing her fiercely.

“I love you,” he reminds her, and some sharp edge in her softens as she nods, kissing him again- softer, this time.

“I know,” she replies softly as she slips away. Her shower is short and hot, and she scrubs at her skin, hard, until it’s pink and raw. Even then, she still feels blood on her hands, but she shuts the water off, quickly toweling off and running a comb through her hair after putting on the pajama pants and Phil’s old shirt she’d brought in with her.

Waiting in their bedroom is a drowsy Julia and a watchful Phil- Melinda climbs into the cool sheets, and her daughter instantly molds herself against her side, snuggling under her chin.

“Mama’s home,” she murmurs, innocent and sweet, and Melinda kisses her head, holding her tightly.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m home,” she whispers, snuggling into Phil’s chest as his arm wrapped around them both, their family warm and secure under the covers.

She slept without nightmares for the first time in a week.

_

“Angela.”

“No.”

“Ellen.”

“No.”

“Rose.”

“No, we’re not naming our daughter after Kate Winslet in Titanic,” Melinda snorted, stretched out on the bed, a body pillowed behind her and both hands on her rounded belly.

“She’s due in two days, Lin. She needs a name,” Phil reminds her- he’s putting away laundry, because she’s been too tired all day to do much more than sit on the couch and watch Julia color picture after picture “for her baby sister”. Their daughter couldn’t wait to be a big sister, and she told them so every day- and the baby, her tiny hands chasing the movement across Melinda’s stomach, giggling whenever she felt a kick.

“Then start suggesting good names,” Melinda lolls her head to look at him, hair escaping its braid. Phil contemplated for a minute before he went to the bedside table, picking up the baby name book and skimming through.

“Brianna,” Melinda shakes her head distastefully, and he flips a few more pages. “Diana,” that also gets a head shake. “Jacqueline,” she outright gags at that, and he laughs, flipping the pages again. His eyes scan the page, and he pauses for a moment before he looks up. “What about Piper?”

Melinda mulls the name over, thinking, before she nods. “Piper Coulson. I like it.”

Phil climbs onto the bed, kissing her softly as his hand rests over where a small foot is pressing against her skin, and she sighs, sinking into him.

_

Julia is six and Piper is two when SHIELD falls.

Her heart is in her throat as she races home- she nearly runs half the city off the road as she speeds through the streets, unable to think of anything but Hydra agents hurting her girls, hurting Phil, and she feels like she’s going to vomit. Phil’s car is in the driveway, unusual for a Wednesday, and the car is barely parked before she’s out of it.

Melinda bursts through the door, terror racing up her spine as she calls for Phil, looking from room to room. There’s no response, and panic starts to set in as she heads for the stairs.

But he’s there, concern in those blue eyes that have always settled her, and she bursts into tears as Phil comes to meet her halfway on the stairs. She falls into his embrace, feeling him catch her as she falls apart, sobbing out the fear and panic of the day. He doesn’t question what’s happened, or what’s wrong- just strokes her hair, and assures her the girls are okay, and asleep, Jules had stayed home because of a fever and Pipes was taking a nap.

Finally, when she’s calmed enough to stand, Phil guides her up to their room, sitting her on the closed toilet lid and wiping her face with a cool cloth, his touch gentle and loving.

“SHIELD has fallen,” she whispers, gripping his hands. “Hydra has taken over. I don’t know what to do, Phil. I have to keep our girls safe- keep you safe. I need our family to be safe.

“You’ll protect us. You always have,” Phil reminds her, his palm cool against her cheek, and she leans into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. “Come on. I’ll grab the girls. I think you need us all in one room for a bit.”

She almost cries again at how well he knows her- how well he has always known her. Phil returns with a sleepy Piper and a cranky Julia, who Melinda immediately gathers into her arms, soothing her.

“Don’t feel good, Mama,” she whimpers, and Melinda kisses her head, rubbing her back.

“I’m here, baby. It’s gonna be okay,” she reassures, holding Julia close as she reaches a hand out to rest on Piper’s back, the little girl sleepily snugging into Phil’s chest. His hand softly strokes through her tangled hair, soothing her when she whimpers.

She looks at her husband, their daughters between them, and hopes the world hasn’t ended.

_

The only reason she’s in the Triskellion is because two armored SUVs showed up while Phil is out with the girls at the grocery store, and she doesn’t want them to return to a scene.

It hadn’t taken them long to replace the SHIELD eagle with the Hydra logo, and it makes her blood boil, that the agency she’s dedicated her life to has been infected by this. They pull into the garage, and she’s escorted through the building by two men. They lead her to the Director’s office, though she knows Fury is no longer behind the door.

Daniel Whitehall is sat at the desk, fingers steepled under his chin.

“Sit, Agent May,” his words are a threat wrapped in a request, and her spine is stiff as she sits in the chair across from the desk.

“Why am I here,” her words come out strained, through her teeth, and a wicked grin spreads across his face.

“How long have you been an agent of SHIELD, Agent May?” he asks, his voice remaining soft, but it’s like velvet-wrapped steel.

“Over thirty years,” she answers tersely.

“And you’re loyal, to your organization?” he asks, playing with a pen between his fingers, raising one slim white eyebrow.

“Until I die,” she answers, lifting her chin. Whitehall’s face creases into an evil-tinted smile, and her stomach curdles.

“I think you’ll change your tune,” he tells her, turning his computer screen. Nausea washes through her, bile rising in her throat at the sight of picture after picture of Phil and Julia and Piper. “Still feeling loyal, Agent May?”

“Do not touch them,” she practically spits the words out, the nausea shifting to rage, lining the pit of her stomach.

“And I won’t. If you swear fealty to Hydra,” Whitehall informs her, cool and collected. “Your husband and children remain untouched, as long as you work for this organization without question.”

She can feel her fingers shaking, and she clenches her hands into fists at her sides, nails biting into her palms.

“It’s really very simple, Agent May. Your loyalty keeps your family alive. You stray from our plan…” he trails off, but his message is clear, and she swallows the bile collecting in her throat as she straightens her shoulders.

“I’ll do it,” she spits the words out like broken glass, cutting her throat on their way out. Whitehall grins triumphantly, clapping his hands. “You don’t so much as lay a hand on any of their heads or so help me god, I’ll kill you all.”

“Of course, Agent May,” Whitehall’s too smug to sound serious, and she feels something inside her harden as they strip the SHIELD patches from her jacket.

She curls up around Julia and Piper that night, letting them sleep in her and Phil’s bed between them, knowing she’d do anything to keep them safe. Phil’s eyes are blue and familiar on the other side of the bed, fingers linking with hers, and she knows she’s done what she needed to.

Her family is all that matters.

_

She hates the green patches on her jacket. She hates the constant scrutiny from her superiors, waiting for her to show her true colors.

But her daughters are safe, and growing before her very eyes, and Phil still looks at her like she’s everything and it’s enough. They install a pool, the summer after Piper turns five, and she watches as Phil teaches her how to ride a bike, Julia shouting encouragement at her younger sister as she did figure eights ahead of them. Piper tells them all stories around the fire pit Phil installs- they roast marshmallows and make s’mores on Fridays, and Phil camps out with them on the weekends in an old, beat up tent.

It’s a warm August day when they all hear the knock; with Melinda’s permission, Julia raced to the door- at nine, she was allowed to open the door, and she exclaims happily “Hi! I’m Julia. Who are you?”

“Who is it, baby?” Melinda called from where she was drying dishes; when there was no response, she stepped out of the kitchen, walking down the hall as she dried the glass in her hands. “Jules? Who was at the door?”

She stops short at the girl standing in the doorway; she’s dressed in a brown leather jacket, brunette hair tied back in a ponytail, and Melinda feels the strangest sense of déjà vu, though she has no memory of ever meeting this girl. Julia scampers up to her side, pressing her face into her hip. Melinda automatically dropped a hand to comb through her daughter’s hair absentmindedly.

“Can I help you?” Melinda asks, feeling Piper run up behind her, peeking around her other leg at their visitor, and the sound of the screen door shutting tells her Phil isn’t far behind. His hand is soft at her back, and he frowns at the stranger in their doorway.

“Hello. How can we help you?” he asks, and the girl gives a tremulous smile, stepping forward. She takes a breath, and straightens up.

“Hi. My name is Daisy. And I am so, so sorry for what I have to tell you.”


End file.
